u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
