Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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