It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
