Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
