my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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