To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
