I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
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He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
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just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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