i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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