my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
