Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
