I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
