i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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