i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
