Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
