I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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