Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
