the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
