how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
