Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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