no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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