What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
