i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
