He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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