Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
