i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
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Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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