chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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