Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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