Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
