escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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