In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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