now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
don't judge my taste in strippers
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
