Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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