i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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