Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
