1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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