at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I deserve this hangover.
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