Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
