Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
