Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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