They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
