I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
