Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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