I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
