Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
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How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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