i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
