I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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