Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
