I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
