I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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