I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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