arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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