hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
