I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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