I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
