Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
