my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
