I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
