Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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