Already got asked if we're dating
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
