U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
