This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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