Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
