i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
