Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
