I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
