He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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