so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
