I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
