I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Randomize
