I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
