i may or may not be watching the land before time
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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