I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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