We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
