I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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