Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
