I'm gonna have a badass scar
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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