NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
