please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
