That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
