when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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