I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Never underestimate the power of titties
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
