he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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