remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
